VALENTINE’S: The ten worst things

I’ll be open here – I’m in a long-term, committed relationship. But blimey, I don’t really like Valentine’s Day. Here are some of the things you could either love or hate around the big day…

valentines_bwcouple1. The soppy Facebook statuses.

Just like my news feed last Christmas, I’m expecting plenty of heart eye emojis, #luckygirl photos and probably a few engagement announcements. Public displays of affection in this way make me feel sick so, needless to say, I’ll be avoiding Facebook this weekend.

2. The ridiculous cost of chocolate.

Suddenly at the turn of February, the price of chocolate feels like it increases by a million per cent. I don’t feel that. It’s the same with flowers – a huge inflation just because of demand and popularity. I think I’ll wait until Monday morning then binge on it all.

3. Sickening cards.

They seem to get worse every year. I’ve never been one for over-the-top romance and instead of even challenging myself to visit a card shop this year, I bought one online. It’s only going to get easier with Etsy and make-your-own websites like Moonpig!

4. The possibility of getting a card from a secret admirer.

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHY DO YOU WANT ME?

valentines_couple5. Seasonal CDs.

Because mix tapes are so old fashioned. Why not buy a CD compilation with Michael Buble and that annoying John Legend song your mum likes. Play your cards right, you might get Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. (If you want a laugh at a playlist, I’ve found a corker on Spotify. It’s got Bound 2 by Kanye West on it… Listen to it below)

6. All the flowers and teddies.

There’s only so many teddies a girl can handle. One is nice, two is a bit weird… And the flowers are enough to induce hay fever.

7. Very cheap and tacky novelty BDSM accessories in Card Factory.

What in God’s name made them think that a mini flogger for £4 was okay?! Who decided to include “The Grey Tie” out of the 50 Shades phenomenon? NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. If you want some real fun, go to a proper shop. Not Card Factory.

8. Everything lovey dovey. Everywhere. 

Love hearts and candles drape shops and restaurants, with decorations and lots of bunting available to buy yourself. Okay if you’re a romantic girl, not so good if you’re anyone else. Especially not nice if you’re a single pringle ready to mingle.

9. Even worse, couples everywhere. 

Even though today is “Red Tuesday” – one of the days where more couples break up – it feels like there are people in relationships all around you.
They’re all moving in together, getting engaged or even married, starting a family… And you’ve just upgraded your Netflix subscription and
spent a little more on a bottle of wine.

10. It’s the worst time of year to be single.

WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LOVE ME? I’M SURROUNDED BY COUPLES, SOS SEND HELP.

Jessica Allen

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